Five years ago, the pregnant Jana learns during a routine examination, that she is HIV positive. Immediately she was referred to in a focus of practice. The 40-Year-old told how it went on.
Nobody would have the idea to think with a girl like me HIV. But that’s exactly what I am HIV positive. It would be nice, we would live in a time in which I have to say this, and this, together with my family in the camera could see.
I know women are treated in similar situations like ours, whose children are like lepers: no birthday invitations and more, parents of former playmates, the funny remarks.
A taboo topic
In General, the women are gone with their diagnosis to the outside, came the “Outing” involuntarily, through Ex-Partner, careless Doctors or pharmacists.
I’m still not so far as to stand over there. But perhaps this report is a first step towards a different, more open approach. And maybe it helps people, Yes, if I admit that I have ticked just like you. HIV for me was to be equated with images, as they were in the 80s by the media: drug addicts or Gay people in the terminal stage of the disease, emaciated, dying body. Rock Hudson. Freddy Mercury.
Also five years ago there were such pictures, the aufploppten inevitably, when I heard something about Aids at a time in which there were long drugs, which ensure that the Virus lies dormant in the body, but does not break out. In the numerous people lived, which were well grown up with HIV alt.
For me are clichés responsible for ensuring that it is always unnecessary to disaster, as ignorant of HIV-infected women to have children that carry the Virus in itself.
The disease was blamed on Stress
Even physicians think so: female, heterosexual, monogamous – then you may as well be nothing. Of due to. Actually, experts would have to be years before my accident diagnosis noisy.
35 I was and suffered from such severe shingles that I had to stay here for a week in the clinic. To Stress, you pushed the course of the disease.
It was true: as a teacher I had worked a long time on the Limit. On the other hand, I was in love, just fresh and is not the immune system is actually a Kick?
Everyone knew about the youth, the sins of the others know
Gerd and I have dealt from the beginning very open with the subject of Aids. Everyone knew about the past of the others know, everyone knew that it had been in the youth dissolute phase, and then to mid 20’s, as it was then “in”, each with a Test at the health Department.
I remember how I trembled during the two weeks in which I waited on the result. A few years later has tested me then again my doctor. I had a new Partner, we wanted to be reasonable.
This time, I almost forgot, the result of query. And why I should also be nervous: as the one that had kept the relationship always years, and for the Faithful a matter of course?
The crucial Test during pregnancy
With the Test during the pregnancy then it was similar. My blood was tested in addition to been toxoplasmosis on HIV, I had somehow not present.
I must have been in the eighth week, when the call came: I was to come immediately into practice. Something was wrong with the child? One year, Gerd and I were a Couple, in spite of cycle of problems, and on average, only three periods a year I had become pregnant. A child should be, so I had thought.
“You have Aids”
Can’t be, I thought, as I was now sitting in the consulting room. “You have Aids”, the words of the doctor seemed far away. Aids alone the awkwardness shows, from Aids to speak, finally, when the infection broke out.
The practice is located in a high-rise building. Had it not been for this child in my belly, I went to the top and jumped. But as I sat in the stairwell and cried. Cried into the phone, the child is well off, but he, Gerd, had to come immediately.
I’ll never forget his reaction: he took me in the Arm and said: thank God, everything is fine with the Baby. In fact, the for us both from the beginning, the most Important thing. That Gerd was most probably infected – after all, we had done over the months, everything, so I was pregnant – that was beside the point.
Similarly, the question of how it came to infection. Fixed in the Arm, we talked as we went back to the practice. I can still hear the words of the doctor: they may be normally old. Or: the child will in all likelihood be healthy to the world. Funny, what sounds like, if the tense posture is the counterpart to something else. A focus on practice, we should seek the best equal, if we are to be very well cared for, we heard.
Once there, wich my state of shock of the feeling, here the Doctors knew the answers to my many questions are: would There be, if necessary, instead of the amniotic fluid, investigation of new non-invasive methods, and I would get the same pregnancy provisions, such as every Pregnant woman.
An earlier organ ultrasound between 12. and 14. Week of pregnancy and an additional study on gestational diabetes.
Jana was referred after their diagnosis immediately, in a focus of practice for HIV-Infected.
Here you will find an Overview of all practices in Germany.
A closer bond with Gerd
I learned that it was now with the help of medications, the Suppression of the Virus. Thus, the minimization of the Transmission would be on my child. No idea if it is all Pregnant so that you think first of all, to have forever were able to find it until day x. time also, in the Gerd and I will be together, as two chronically Ill – I thought.
Until this call came in. Gerd told me the dialogue with the doctor: “I have a positive message. They are not positive. So, this is not the Positive that they are positive.“ Yes what is it now? Want to have asked Gerd. The news was relief and shock at the same time.
Of course reason says that it is better, if one is quite healthy and perhaps one day a restraint, it should go the other worse. On the other hand, this “We is suddenly missing-two-go-together-through-feeling”. Were temporarily in doubt – for example, when he said he wanted to continue to no prevention, so far, is finally happening. He really mean that? And: could I accept this? But eventually, with the help of a talking therapy, I learned to: Accept it.
The outlet is more vulnerable than the plug
I’m glad we had this gift had it not been with a previous Knowledge of the HIV infection, so probably a normally formed child.
Which is why Gerd is not infected, you have explained to us with the picture of plug and outlet: the plug-in would have relatively little contact area, the women – outlet – is open, more vulnerable. As I do, I now know how I got infected. The long-standing relationship before Gerd was not as monogamous as I thought…
And for that I am grateful: that I’ve ever been as a mother to be comparatively little to do with the past, Yes but not change.
Other couples use condoms
In the HIV-focused practice, I felt as a patient, not as a special case. From the 14. Week of pregnancy should I take medication, recommended you to me. My values were good, the viral load should be under a so-called limit of detection is lowered, in order to protect the Unborn in front of the rest of risk of infection.
Residual risk – in the relationship, this was the topic. Out of the infection for Gerd, it was called – again, the keyword values. As well as, this means that the security is about as high as that of the pill. I know that other couples use in a similar Situation condoms. Exaggerated, and find Gerd.
Birth by caesarean section
And so then the date of confinement was approaching and I thought I was going crazy. I don’t know if it was the normal excitement of a primipara, or if my particular Situation played into this, how am I supposed to know that, too. Your values are good, the child nothing will happen, which is reassuring should sound, what the Doctors said.
I would have been able to give birth to my child spontaneously. My medication had brought the Virus under the detection limit. I was not able to get into on these thoughts: blood, amniotic fluid, my child, my body fluids. So I decided together with the Doctors for caesarean section.
As Lotta was there, warm and rosy, blurred all the images and Fears. There was this perfect feeling, to be a family.
And this feeling has remained, in the four years that we are now parents. The environment that we are dedicated, and has great reacts. Apart from the one or the other first, extra-strength hug perhaps, a statement of Solidarity – normal because I am in doubt simply prefer. I’m chronically ill, so I like to be seen and so it is thanks to the good medical advances.
A subsequent pregnancy
How much of the other in dealing with HIV are the Problem, and how little the victims themselves, it was clear to me when I was two years ago, a Once again pregnant. I know to Many this may seem like irresponsible. For Gerd and me, but it was more than the deep desire for a sibling for Lotta.
It was also the longing for what was left on the track: namely, a relaxed, carefree pregnancy. Now, where we were all informed, this seemed possible. It was not possible. Already from the time with Lotta in the belly, not a single photo speaks volumes, I think.
A normal birth without any safety measures
With Emma, I celebrated my belly. I wore tight T-Shirts and not like the first Time “floaty”. Again and again I’ll take the beautiful pictures on Hand, feel the Pride and happiness, which was set to end it all.
The maternity ward, Lotta was born, it is there now, so I went to another clinic. If I would not deliver spontaneously, you asked here. A Emperor seemed to me to cut with my history, agreeable to the alone the question but did well.
In the OP finally, no mummies, but people, instead of constantly talking about security measures here and there, a joke Chen cracks – as it cuts probably also the case with Kaiser.
A book on the enlightenment is ready
And that alone makes courage I find here within three years – and if only in each of the clinics has done so much. Our children are too small to understand or to defend themselves should attacks occur.
But a book, from the Netherlands, explains the Virus, and a good deal in order child, is ready. If Lotta is coming to the elementary school age, I want to address the issue. Of small animals that need to be kept in check, I want to speak.
The fact that the Whole is not dangerous, as long as I have a patch ready, if there is bleeding somewhere. And then, if there are children, or mothers who do not want to believe it, I go. Put me in front of the class or standing at parents ‘ evening and say: you can ask anything, I have no Problem with it. A diabetes patient, it would not have finally.